Varying Shades of Gray - My Life (Book) https://www.Writing.Com/main/books.php/item_id/551971 I hope and pray I did the right thing 02:38am 05/01/2004 I found out tonight, that not only has Tay been thinking about running away, but also that he's been contemplating suicide. Up to this point I thought it was best that I stay out of his personal, family life. I was wrong, and I admit that and I am so very sorry to anyone who feels betrayed by my actions, tonight. Including you, Tay. I called the suicide prevention hotline and ended up callin...[Read Full Post] Mon, 05 Jan 2004 04:03:20 EST https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/271763 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/271763 Last night was friggin mess at work. Luckily things did turn out okay, though. When I came home this morning, There was a dead kitten (approx 6-8mos old) laying in the middle of the street. Black with whit paws, it was cute. Not being able to stand the thought of people continually running over it, I moved it to the side of the road for animal control to come get it. Even though my gut was wrenching with agony over the thought and site, I still felt a little b...[Read Full Post] Thu, 16 Oct 2003 09:38:31 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/261848 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/261848 Had a "lovely" flood here, last night. It had been raining most of the day. Then ast night we got close to 5" in less than an hour. Water was about 10' into my yard from the street. Finally, at 1am, I could see the tops of the curbs again, so decided to try to get to work. I should have been there at 10pm. Okay, I am a cautious driver, especially in deep water, on snow/ice, etc. But very rarely do I get nervous or scared. I just kept a slow & s...[Read Full Post] Thu, 09 Oct 2003 08:52:15 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/260685 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/260685 Born in March of 1991 Sketch was my little buddy. My best friend. My loyal pal. To some he was only a cat, to me he was love and friendship. Anyone who met Sketch, liked him. As big and solid as he was, he was so mellow and loved everybody he seen. He even loved dogs. He would go up my dogs, my sister's dog, Jessie's parents' dog and just love on them. They would kinda freak out. He had been sick for a few days. We had given him medicine and praye...[Read Full Post] Mon, 29 Sep 2003 13:15:56 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/259153 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/259153 Damn. It's been too bloody long since my last entry. Sorry about that. For the most part, things have been good. I did get to see JC two weeks ago. We went on a trip together. DA, AW, Dc, IV, JMC, BC, JW all went along also. However, JC and I shared a room, alone. :) Which I might add, was quite marvelous. DA and AW had some problems, but they worked them out and things are good there, again. My heart, thoughts and prayers are still with BOH. I won't...[Read Full Post] Wed, 24 Sep 2003 09:06:00 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/258044 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/258044 Got a phone call yesterday morning from DA, he ran to a neighbor's house to call me. He wanted me to come over ASAP, he said that DA was sick. When I got there, my heart fell and I almost started crying. DA was so pale and pasty. I gave AW the number to DA's mom's workplace and told him to go call her and tell her to get there now. I took his temperature and it was 103.8. When his mom got there, we took him to the ER. My heart was racing, I felt like i...[Read Full Post] Tue, 12 Aug 2003 09:47:20 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/253047 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/253047 Okayyyyy. Well let's start with last weekend. AW's dad was a real s***head on Saturday. He ended up pushing AW into the dining room table. AW had a huges bruise and a cut across his back. Then, when DA tried to help AW up up, AW's dad shoved him away. Okay that really pissed me off. It was bad enough that he had hurt AW again. But to lay a hand on "my" boy, that was going too far. DA had been chatting with a friend of ours, who lives out of tow...[Read Full Post] Mon, 11 Aug 2003 11:18:50 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/252942 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/252942 I have been immensely enjoying the visit with JC. :):):) We have talked and done so much. "mom and dad seem like they are having a cookout, everyday.:) Sunday, we had prime rib, OMG delicious. Today we're having Beer Brats. I can't wait. It seems that although, JC and I are still working on designs for our house, there really is no hurry. When he finishes his schooling and is back here, permanently, dad is going to give him, his house, where DC and I...[Read Full Post] Tue, 29 Jul 2003 10:44:40 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/251367 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/251367 Yeah I'm still here. Sometimes I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. I talked to JC yesterday. It was so good to hear his voice. I love him so much and miss him horribly. He's gonna be down later this week. Maybe that will break this mood I am in. I hope so. I really don't want to be like this when he is here and bring him down. He is so worried about me too. I didn't mean to make him or anyone else worry about me. I've just been ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 20 Jul 2003 12:41:25 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/250380 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/250380 Despite all the wonderful things in my life, all of my friends, my LOVE. The void is growing. The emptiness is getting larger. The blackness is swallowing me. The worst part of it is, I do not know how to stop it, or if I even can. The more time that passes the more empty I feel. Sometimes I wonder if I will soon be nothing more than just a void, empty dark space in this world. A dark cloud that will soon be replaced by a new sunshine. A...[Read Full Post] Fri, 18 Jul 2003 12:07:33 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/250184 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/250184 (pants, coughs & collapses from heat) It's not even the hottest part of the day yet and it's 104 degrees with a heat index of 112. Damn! I have drove around and checked on DA and AW, mowing lawns, making sure that they had plenty of ice and fluids with them. The last thing I want is for one of them to get heat exhaustion or worse. I guess AW's dad finally went by today. Hardly said two words to AW. He collected the bills and mailed off the payments ...[Read Full Post] Mon, 14 Jul 2003 16:17:25 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249712 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249712 Well This has been a rollersoaster week. My boss called and told me they were eliminating my position and would have to let me go. Which I guess is okay. those 12-13 hour days were hell, anyway. So, I had already started planning on what to cut back on, at least until I found another job. A hotel that had been trying to get me for over a year. The main reason I hadn't, is because I really did not want to get back into hotels. Well, needless to say, I accepted ...[Read Full Post] Sat, 12 Jul 2003 13:34:27 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249530 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249530 Had some major storms in the area last night. Several tornadoes in the county and other neighboring counties. Straightline winds with gusts up to 90mph. Heavy rain, sveral of the meteorologists describes it as "hurricane type rain". A very large rotating wall cloud rolled directly over downtown. The tornadoes sirens were going. I took the precautions of placing my cats in their carriers, ready to take cover, just in case. The huge dog track here, lost it&#...[Read Full Post] Thu, 10 Jul 2003 09:47:54 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249316 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249316 Well, how was everyone's Holiday? Mine was good for the most part. Things started out kinda rocky on the 4th, between DA and AW. Because of me, I might add, well, at least I feel that way. When AW was here last week, talking to me about some "stuff", DA had rode by and seen AW's bike. DA acted okay towards me, not his usual self but okay. But, Towards AW, he seemed to be a bit hostile. He seemed to think that something was going on between AW an...[Read Full Post] Tue, 08 Jul 2003 02:53:31 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249027 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/249027 Hello all and sorry for not making an entry sooner. Things were quickly resolved between JMC and I. BOH talked to him as did DA. JMC felt bad for what he had done. Anyway, things are good, again. AW's doing okay so far. He's still not sure what is going to happen between he and his dad. They haven't spoken since last Wednesday. The dad's girlfriend has been really nice to AW and she has been trying to talk some sense into his dad. JC, DA, ...[Read Full Post] Thu, 03 Jul 2003 14:11:20 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/248436 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/248436 Needless to say, AW woke up this morning, feeling like crap. I made sure he drank some water and juice. It did not take long for him to feel better. He really didn't drink alot, just enough. DA had come over before he woke up. I told him about AW and also about what had happened with JMC. He was upset about the situation. He said that he would try to talk to JMC, the first chance he gets. I stopped by JMC's on the way home, but he had already gone to work....[Read Full Post] Thu, 26 Jun 2003 14:14:54 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247649 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247649 Okay three best things have happened since my last entry. I got to spend more time with JC. DA came home from his vacation, and I actually got to talk to BOH. :) Now, I want to kill AW's dad more than anything. He found out? that AW is gay and basically told him that he doesn't want a "faggot" living under his roof. If I could, I would take that boy in, in a second. He such a sweet person and so caring. By the time I got there, tonight, he had, ...[Read Full Post] Thu, 26 Jun 2003 13:52:56 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247603 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247603 Things have been going okay. I haven't chat with BOH since last Thursday, I think. When he actually called and we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. :) I always love chatting with him, but to actually hear his voice, it was great. A warmth filled my heart and body. He is such a sweetie. Yeah, he knows how to make me laugh. JC and his family got back friday morning. Despite being away for only a day, I still missed him, horribly. We were going out for dinner and...[Read Full Post] Mon, 23 Jun 2003 15:48:57 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247228 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/247228 Hello. Well, all is well, again, for now anyway. My family has that certain knack for being able to push all the wrong buttons, just to see how pissed off they can make you and how far they can go before you just snap. And they always seem press on an issue that is very dear to you, just to piss you off, even more. Anyways, things are back to somewhat normal. JC is still here. :) That is the only thing that has kept me as level-headed as I have been. We have ha...[Read Full Post] Thu, 19 Jun 2003 09:08:09 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246729 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246729 JC is here. That's GOOD. He is the only thing keeping me from killing my mom right, now. Yes, she throwing the internet back in back in my face threatening shut it off, again. This time she says it will be the 20th of this month. Which will not do me any good, once JC goes back. Needless to say, if she does that kind of shit, (cutting me off from not one but two of my lifelines, BOH, also) I will make her last moments on eatrh as painful and torturous as I c...[Read Full Post] Thu, 19 Jun 2003 08:17:39 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246483 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246483 Life has been sucking the lst couple of days. No BOH. No DA. Although, I did get to chat with BOH briefly the other night. It was starting to lightning here, so I logged off. :( I wish I hadn't, though. It never did rain or anything. I should have stayed on and chat with him, more. Talked to JC last night. He called me and we had a good talk. It's always good to hear to his voice, even though I would much rather have him in person. but, I will take it ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 15 Jun 2003 07:24:18 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246218 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/246218 Yesterday started out to be a bust. AW called me and told me that he was grounded and would not be able to go the amusement park. His dad was being a major a$$hole from what he said. That just about did it. I was ready to scrap my plans, all together. I was so, NOT enthused about going by that time. First JC couldn't be here. DA was out of town. JMC was at work. And now AW, couldn't go either. I had basically said, "screw it!" I did not want to go ...[Read Full Post] Mon, 23 Jun 2003 15:49:45 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245780 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245780 Well, DC called me last night and wanted to go have dinner and a few beers since IV had to work late and he knew I was going to be down since DA left yesterday. After that, we took a grass/ weed trimmer to JC's dad. When we got there, he was trying repair the fence, two wood sections and a chain link section. So DC and I stayed and helped him. Afterwards we were inside having a beer, when "mom" came in and said that JC had called to see if she had talk...[Read Full Post] Wed, 11 Jun 2003 10:28:09 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245632 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245632 My emotions are in rollercoaster mode, today. DA's leaving this afternoon for his vacation with his mom, aunt and sister. :( AW is still here, though. On an "upside", I am a little more at ease, today. The other day, I made a "confession" to BOH. At first I had regretted telling him. But, I think that things are okay. I'm not saying the confession is really a "bad thing." It's just that I was so unsure of what his reaction w...[Read Full Post] Tue, 10 Jun 2003 12:27:04 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245510 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245510 I spent some time with DA last night, after work. I don't know how I am going make it two weeks without him. I'll be okay, I'm sure. But still. DC and IV said they would make sure that I didn't get too depressed, missing him. Honestly, I think there are only two people that would be able to ease the missing of DA. One is possible, though not exactly sure when. The other? Well, unlikely that he'd be here, but hey. At least I could still chat wit...[Read Full Post] Sun, 08 Jun 2003 07:19:14 EDT https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245184 https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/245184